There is no Love in abuse!

      Since 2012, I was in a relationship that was on and off. To me the relationship wasn't going anywhere, because the guy treated me like shit. To him, he didn't care. I was the one that always had to stay quiet. Like wait a minute, I should not have to. If we are in a relationship, then you should not treat me the way you are. When try to bring it up, I had to stay quiet about everything and ignored it. He blamed me for everything.
    When the relationship first started, he told me that he love me, and that he he was going to buy me a ring and would like to married me. But that was never the case. He treated me like garbage the moment that I started going out with him. I was just too stupid to see it. But now My eyes are wide open. I can see everything. We were always fighting, Which I could never understood why.  When it came to the day that I could think about it, that when I knew that I had to send him packing.
    It took me almost 3 and half years to do that, now that he gone, I can finally think about things that I couldn't before. TO this day it feels good. I like the way that the feeling is. I can wake up and say that I am free from the abuse of what he cause me. I don't know how people can be in a relationship like that. All I do know is that he wasn't bought up like that. I also learned to forgive myself, for ever being with him. It took me time to heal myself from a wound that should never have been there.
    When I think about the time that I was with him, I never knew that a man, could treat a women like that, then turn around and blamed her for everything. To him it was a one way street, which it should always be a two way street. He was a little boy trapped in a man body. When I try to talk to him, I couldn't, he expected me to be quiet. He expected to shut my mouth and never speak. He expected me to take everything that he threw at me. I think that wasn't fair. He knew better then that, So I don't why he acted like that. When I try to ask him  to go away with me for a Valentine day weekend, he told me that he was busy. But when it came to him, I always had to be free to whenever it was easy for him. Which I think that wasn't right. When I try to bring it up, He always told me to grow up little girl, like how fair is that.
    One day when I was at work, He came in with some girl, and acted like he didn't know me, when I thought we were together, when I guess we weren't. When I ask him about it, he told me that it was his grandson friend and he was just taking her home. But I already knew the truth. When I told him how I felt, he acted like it was no big deal, when it was, but when it came to me talking to a friend, or should I say a customer, he cause a rampage. Like wait a minute, what just happen here. When  he told he was just giving her a ride, I slam that back into his  face, the bitch has her car, It was red, Sun fire , with zebra seat covers. He didn't know what to say. That when I send him packing. Cause I knew that he cheated on me and I think he been cheating on this hold time. So when I set him free, It felt good.
    Some would ask me was I in love with him. to be honest, I don't know what love is. I have never been in love, cause no one never gave me that chance. Do I want to be in love? that would be an easy question, yes, I do. But will it ever happen to me, to be honest, I don't know. It hard to say when the world is the way it is, and everyone take marriage so lightly, that they don't care about the outcome that it will bring. I wish I could understand the way that the world works and the way that love works. It hard to understand and it hard to know what good and what bad. It even hard to understand the way that people work.
    When I was in that relationship, I thought I found someone that would accept me for me, but clearly I did not. I think I will never know what happen or why. I just know I never want to see him again. I wish he would just leave me alone and stay away from me. He made me so many promises, and brought me  a lot of heartache and pain. He wounded me with his words, that I think I can never believe another man again. He brought me nothing but tears at night.
    From the looks of it now, I feel free, I can do what I want and what I will. I am  doing what I love and I am doing what I may. I am feeling love at the moment of finally doing what I wanted for a long time, and that is expressing my true self. I learn if people cant accept me for who I am, then they don't need to be in my life. They know where the door is, it simple and it easy. They can walk out anytime, and no one is keeping them their, but themselves, cause they have a fear of losing. If their fear is losing you, then they should never treated you like shit in the began with.
    So for future references, I learned to never dealt with a man like that ever again. I will only be dealing with is gentleman and kind men who have a heart and love their women like the queens they are.